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Ministry Diaries: Salve. | Oct. 9th, 2024


February 18th, 2022 I created Tamar's Testimony, by the inspiration of The Holy Spirit. It's been over 2 years, since then, and I have learned a lot about myself in Christ.


January 8th, 2022 I gave my life to Christ. Yes, this is over a month difference. The downside (but not downside) of this is my relationship with Christ is revolved around ministry. If I've received a revelation or a treasure from The Most High, it turned into a lesson for people. Now, given, certain revelations and Words I have kept (even until this day), but it's functioned in me to teach things. I wish you could be present in my four wall room, while receiving revelation. One of the ways I communicate to The Most High is "teaching Him".


"Valencia...what blasphemy! What can you, a mortal being, teach The Immortal One?!"


The Most High is my first audience. You know how you see the auditions for plays or musicals and the performer performs in front of people at a table? What happens after the performance? The performer receives a performance evaluation.


See--it is good I teach The Most High; or rather, I teach to The Most High. It is so He can give me an evaluation on my understanding of the scripture and receptivity of His Spirit over the scripture. If I did well or if I did poorly, I must know. If I do not do this, I am prone to error and prone to hurt you, the receiver of the message.


To continue, I wish you could be present in my four wall room of this happening, so you could see my beginning relationship of Christ was not like the "average". What am I trying to say here? If I'm not doing ministry related things, I feel as though I am failing Christ because my relationship with Christ is ministry...or, so I've believed.


The average Christian (meaning not in ministry because everyone is not called to have one) wouldn't feel like me because their relationship with Christ is not wrapped around ministry. If they're not doing ministry, they can wake up on the right side of the pillow. If I'm not doing ministry, I feel as though the beaming rays of His glory will not shine in my temple.


"Why on earth would you feel like this?!"


Ministry=His pleasure in me.

No ministry=His displeasure in me.


Is this way of thinking accurate or Biblical? Absolutely not; but rather, it is an imagination and high thing, which has exalted itself over the knowledge of God. To make sure I am not misconstrued or that my words of speech is misunderstood, if you are called by The Most High to have a ministry, to minister (serve) to His people, and you outright disobey and runaway--ummm yes, He will be displeased in you. Hello?! It's disobedience, also known as sin; however, if you're in a season, where He is calling you to take a step back or to have further refinement and you do not participate in ministry, He isn't displeased in you. You're actually pleasing Him because you're what?


In His will.


To know the will of God is a beautiful and secure thing.



"Valencia, if you know all of this, why do you speak to yourself as such?"


You can know something is Truth, but not believe it for yourself.

You can know something can heal you, but not be willing to apply it on your wound.

You can know something can fix you, but not be willing to use it on you for efficiency.


Knowing isn't the solution.


Believing in the knowledge and USING the knowledge is the solution.


What tends to happen, when I convey the innermost part of my heart, is I often provide the solution in the midst. My brethren in Christ may find it weird on why I may not require or run to their assistance because I have the knowledge of the solution inside of me. I still need them, but I may not need them to the extent Man is used on social media.


One gift The Most High has given me is the gift of encouragement. The first gift that was made evident to me, even when I was bound in the world. With this gift, it is not only to benefit others, but the encourager, themselves. The encourager is blessed with the familiarity of how to encourage. They know the steps to encourage. They know the language on how to encourage. And most importantly, they know the scripture woven in the encouragement.


My brethren in Christ and my close family will let you know I know The Word of God. This is not pride; however, it's self awareness. I have the ability to recall scripture (sometimes, even book, chapter, and verse). I have a relationship with the written Word in your Bible. Please be advised I am not saying you do not. We all have different graces (gifts), but this is the grace He has given me. The knowledge of The Word + the gift of encouragement is a deadly weapon to The Kingdom of Ephesians 6:12. Encouragement tackles the mental of a Man, which is where our enemies war with us at. If you can encourage a man with The Word of God, it can spiritually tear down and detour the plans of Ephesians 6:12. Therefore, resulting in the man doing righteousness and remaining in the will of God, where he is safe and sound.


With me having an intense knowledge of scripture and the fervent gift of encouragement, I can "self-heal" (quotations because it's not necessarily me healing me, but allowing The Holy Spirit within me to heal me). One of the main ways The Most High speaks through me is through The Word of God. If I have an issue (and I mean an immediate issue), the scripture to solve it comes into my mind at the speed of lightening. Then, it is up to me if I want to engage in my gift of encouragement.


If it is another soldier wounded on the battlefield, I am running to give them aid; however, when it comes to my wounds, I rather bleed.


...even to the point of death.


In my past life, I was a person, who dealt with inadequacy (still can 'til this very day. It's not a time to play the shiny perfect saint). I didn't feel neither enough nor worthy of anything good or beneficial for my life, which made me prone to suicidal thoughts. Yes, I was suicidal, which I discuss in both my testimony and book. Now, the feeling of not being enough and worthy is something I praise Him for, which may be weird for some. I've carried this way of thinking into Christ.


"Get rid of it, girl!"


I'd rather not. It keeps me humble. What The Most High did is refurbish that way of thinking. He removed the negative connotation of it and made it positive. This is where I received the "Who Am I?" perspective. Moses said these exact words. David said these exact words. Paul had the mentality of these exact words. I am not worthy of anything He has to offer; however, the past negative connotation can find a way of creeping back in, if I'm not careful.


Hence, "No ministry=His displeasure in me."


In this season, I am learning to detach this mindset from my relationship in Christ and find newer and richer levels of intimacy in my relationship with Him. Ah-intimacy! There it is! Intimacy doesn't equal ministry. Ministry doesn't equal intimacy; however, intimacy makes a minister, which all royal priests are, to serve in whatever way The Head of the relationship calls the individual to do so, in whatever season the minister is in.


Guess what?


I self-healed.


Thanks Most High.





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